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10:56 p.m. - 2006-02-01
i hate HATE H-A-T-E feeling jealous for you.

i think i am even tired. tired of pretending i dont care. tired of convincing myself that i dont like you therefore i shouldnt be jealous.

a part from that my life has been fairly full. unfortunately i cant say full of good things. i think one of these days i will write a sad story based on my parents and how they cannot stand eachother. those love-hate kind.

i feel like i want to talk. but not the everyday talk. a real talk. but i end up convincing myself i do not have anyone in my life suitable for a real talk. i try really hard to not care. i really.. really do. not to care i dont need a friend.

i feel nervous and i dont like it. i like being relaxed. i feel good relaxed. my guts are knots that just get bigger when i think about things.

maybe i should quit thinking all together?

i am almost done reading the virgin suicides. i dont know exactly how i feel about it.

i want to talk talk talk please God give me someone to talk. please not virtual people. im tired of always expecting emails that never come in my inbox. im TIRED.

maybe i need vacations. i need to get away but i also need to stop feeling lonely.

again i am an empty bottle.


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